jeepin247us Posted June 10, 2005 Report Share Posted June 10, 2005 In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the relentless rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -but no Ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I now needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. "My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision" Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! "When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. "Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. "Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. "And don't get me started about insurance. "To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. "So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banshee~ Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it." 380283[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racer Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 thats not so much funny as it is true and sad. fuckin burokrats. (sp? lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeepin247us Posted June 11, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 word for word...exactly what I thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banshee04le Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" forgive me Lord, but it will take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark." Holy shit thats funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bansheeryder_69 Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 Holy shit thats funny. 380388[/snapback] What he said Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bansheeryder_69 Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 Holy shit thats funny. 380388[/snapback] what he said The bad thing is thats soooo true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
broke Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bansheecaptain Posted June 12, 2005 Report Share Posted June 12, 2005 damn gov. nothing but bad.. funny joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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