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Subject: doctors vs guns

 

a. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.

b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000.

c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (US Dept. of Health &Human Services)

 

Now think about this:

a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.

b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.

c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

 

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

 

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand!

 

As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.

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I'm sure you can imagine

As plain as can be

The place is Piccalilli

The players He and She.

She whispered "Will it hurt me?"

"Of course not" answered he

"It's a very simple process,

You can rely on me."

 

She said "I'm very frightened,

I've not had this before.

My friend has had it five times

And said it can be sore".

 

Then finally contended

Lay back and relax a bit

Quickly and readily he bent over her

And then he started it.

 

It was growing rather painful

Tears formed in her eyes

It was hurting quite a bit now

It must have been quite a size.

 

"Calm yourself" he whispered

His face was filled with a grin

"Try and open a bit wider

So I can get it in".

 

"It's coming now" he whispered

"I know" she cried in bliss

Feeling it deep within her now

She said "I am glad I am having this".

 

And with a final effort

She gave a frightened shout

He gripped it in anguish

And quickly pulled it out.

 

She lay back quite contended

Sighed and gave a smile

She said "I'm glad I came now

You made it worth my while".

 

Now if you read this carefully

The dentist you will find

Is not what you imagined

It's just your dirty mind!

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Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

 

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

 

"I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"

 

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f-cking going!"

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple was newlywed.

 

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

''Can of PAINT!'' exclaimed the minister. ''Yeah,'' said the newlywed man. ''She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.'' The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

''That's okay,'' said the man. ''We're not welcome in Home Depot either.''

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